


Happy Families

by majesticduxk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic, Happy families, Human AU, Humour, M/M, Manhandling, No Sex, Sibling Rivalry, Teasing, fbi/mafia, implied future sex, mild dub con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 15:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16140050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesticduxk/pseuds/majesticduxk
Summary: From a prompt for spn_masquerade: Dean/Sam, FBI agent/criminal, hatebangingHuman AU. Sam’s a Fed. Dean’s tied up in the crime world. That makes for awkward family dinners. Lots of animosity there that they work through via fucking hard.





	Happy Families

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the anon prompter! I know it isn't quite what you were after, but I had a blast :)

When Sam walked in the door, he had to groan. 

“Fuck! Really?” 

Sam had only a split second to decide whether to take his turn and leave, or stay, but Mary was there taking the choice out of his hands. 

“Enough of that, Samuel. I’m expecting best behaviour tonight. I don’t care what happened last time-”

“It wasn’t my fault, Dea-”

“But.” Mary interrupted him, pinning him with a glare. “If a single one of my dishes gets broken, neither of you will sit for a week. Got it?” 

Sam didn’t bother answering, but Mary had grabbed his chin, forcing it down so their eyes met. 

“ _Got it_?” 

“Yes, Mom. Jeez! But if he does anything to piss me off, I’m arresting him, and I’m not joking.” 

Mary didn’t even bother replying, just grabbed his coat and shooed him towards the lounge. 

“Dinners in 20. Your brother and father are watching the game.”

Legs heavy, Sam headed to the lounge. And there, sitting on the sofa, laughing loudly as if he owned the fucking place, was Dean. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, the tattoos on his forearms drawing Sam’s eyes. And it was instinctive. Sam’s fingers twitched at his holster. And even though he wasn’t even looking, of course Dean saw. 

“Mo-om. Sammy wants to shoot me.” 

God, Dean was a baby. Before he could reply Mary’s voice filtered into the room. “I don’t care if he wants to Dean, just as long as he doesn’t.” 

“Wow, Mom, you sure know how to make a kid feel loved.” 

John took another sip of his beer. “She’s still pissed about Grandmas plates.” 

“Well that’s not fair I replaced them-”  
“I sent another set as soon as-” 

Dean and Sam spoke together then eyed each other. Dean had to laugh. 

“Son of a bitch! She’s scamming us, Sammy. Double the plates _and_ she gets to bitch us out.” 

Sam tried not to smile, and failed. Dean was too fucking charming, and he felt his defenses relax.

“Shove over, jerk, and give me a beer.” 

Maybe it would be a nice evening?

~o~ 

“... and then Cas took the body and-” 

“I swear, Dean, I am calling this one in. You are pushing me too far and-” 

“Chill out, Sam, like it’s a big deal-” 

“Murder _is_ a big deal! As is every other fucking thing you do! Maybe for once-” 

“Waa waaa little Sammy went to cop school and now thinks-” 

“I swear, this is your last warning! I’m gonna get a warrant tomorrow and-” 

“That. Is. Enough.” 

The bickering stopped instantly and all eyes turned to Mary. Well, Sam and Dean turned to Mary. John just drank more beer and ate another mouthful of potato salad. 

“Is it too much to ask for a nice family dinner?” 

Dean was quick to reply. “Well, Sammy started it, he-” 

“I. Don’t. Care. Who. Started. It.” 

Dean and Sam exchanged looks. Sure they were deadly enemies, but in this they were united: when Mary was pissed it never ended well. 

“And I’ve had enough. Your father and I are going to the movies-” 

“What? But Mary, the game-” 

“And when I get back, I expect the kitchen cleaned, the kettle on, and you boys acting like family. Do I make myself clear?” 

Sam whined. “But Mom, Dean’s number one on the most wanted list and-” 

“You are not allowed to arrest your brother, Samuel Winchester.” 

Sam manfully ignored Dean smirking at him.

“And as for you, Dean-” 

“Hey, I’m just doing my job-” 

“You could be a bit kinder to your brother and not leave the bodies on his patch. You’re putting him in a difficult position.” 

“But Mo-oooom-” 

“No buts. None. We’ll be back in a couple of hours.” 

And not even five minutes later the Winchester elders were out of the house. 

The bothers sat at the table, Dean fiddling with his potato salad and Sam fuming as he stared off into space.

“You coulda taken the stick outta your ass before you came here, Sam.” 

It wasn’t even a bad taunt. Dean had said - and done - much worse before, but Sam just snapped. Without warning he reached across the table, grabbing his brother by the collar of his shirt and just heaved him back towards him. The fact that Dean looked shocked soothed him just a tiny bit. 

“Is poking the bear a good idea right now, Dean?” 

With every gritted word he pulled Dean closer until he was under Sam, trapped between the table and Sam's body. Sam was seriously pissed. His face was bright red. His eyes were bulging. His hair was a goddamn _mess_. But it was worth it. 

For ten glorious seconds, Sam had silence and respect. 

“Well, some _thing_ sure is poking me, Sam, and you know what they say-” 

Sam didn’t wait to hear what they said. Instead he did what he’d probably been longing to do for years, and flipped Dean over, pulling at his pants. 

“Woah, woah, woah! Careful with the goods! Just let me-”

“No.” 

That got him another few seconds of silence. 

“What? Who even says that, I mean, c’mo-”

“No.” 

This time Sam pushed at the centre of Dean’s back, enjoying the sound of his head hitting the table. 

“What the fuck, Sam?” 

“I’m not allowed to kill you - that’s against the law and my job is to uphold the law. _Something you make it very difficult to do_. Plus mom would make my life a living hell. I’m not even allowed to _arrest_ you, because I’m pretty sure Mom would break you out and then break my hand.” 

Beneath him, Dean sniggered. “Yeah. Mom is pretty badass.” 

“But I’m also pretty sure that Mom and Dad aren’t going to back for a couple of hours, and if you’re going to be a pain in my ass, then Dean?” Sam leaned forward, letting his bigger, wider chest press against his brothers back, before slowly dropping his mouth to Dean’s ear. “Then I’m going to be a pain in yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is complete - for now! I think it ends at a good place, but when I have the time and motivation, I am going to come back and write that second chapter. 
> 
> Also I just couldn't decide what to call this so there you go


End file.
